The Mothers

My great-grandmothers virtually had no voices.  Most of them never owned property and they left no wills.  If they were not the head of the household (which is the case for all of my great-grandmothers) their names were not listed on any US census records prior to 1850.  Any information we would have about them would have come from family, church, or cemetery records.

All of my Bedford County great-grandmothers were farmers' wives, though a couple of the later ones were able to branch out of the farm life.  We can't hear their stories from their mouths, but we can consider the words of other farmers' wives during similar times and in similar places:

"As a class, farmers’ wives are expected to do more work than any other housekeeper.  We do our own washing, ironing, taking care of the milk, meat, chickens, which women of other callings do not.  We do our own sewing, making over an infinite number of old clothes to save the expense of new ones."

"There are compensations to living on a farm anywhere, and particularly here, that I am sure no other hard way of earning one’s living brings; but it is hard, and oh! The needlessness of it is the hardest part to bear!  It is not what money brings that I or any other sensible person wants, but just to do a reasonable amount of useful work and then a chance to lift one’s eyes and thoughts above the daily grind."

"I happen to be married to a man who considers it an unpardonable crime for a woman to sit down to read or study, or to take a minute to rest."

"I weigh 120 pounds.  I milk seven or eight cows night and morning; run a separator (device which separates cream from milk); get breakfast, dinner, and supper; do all of the washing and cleaning; do most of the garden work and rake in some haying.  I feel very good most of the time, only when I get too tired I have a headache and pain in back of my neck.  I mend, read, and such, but I don’t have much time to rest."

"Many farmers’ wives are despondent.  I think some are so despondent as not to care to put forth enough energy to even lift the head.  What causes the state of affairs?  Is it the treadmill?  Is it lack of society?  Is it poor food?  Is it poor clothes? – good clothes are a moral support it is said.  Is it unappreciated toil?  Is the farmer so much among animals that he comes to regard his wife as a beast of burden?  I have been five years trying to answer these questions.  I hesitated years before consenting to marry a farmer because I saw that these things were so and I could not tell why."

"I will try and tell you some of my experiences and what a woman can endure. I was married when twenty years old, went to keeping house the first of July. [We soon] found plenty of bugs. Of course there wasn't much rest for many nights. I would take everything outdoors and'sweep it down from top to bottom and then scald the logs and then whitewash them and so on. We lived that way for nearly twenty years."

"I was married at nineteen and then my farm life began in earnest .. . I would always rise in the morning at four or half past, winter and summer, and have built my own fires, milked from four to eight cows, prepared the breakfast and had it at six. I always did my own churning, and many are the books of poems, histories, stories and newspapers I have read while churning .. . I have always done my own washing and weaving of carpets as I have a large house and it is furnished with rag carpets. . . . One summer I piled up one hundred cords of wood and did my own housework. . . . Not many modem wives would think they could pull flax, cut corn, dig potatoes and do all things on a farm as we used to."

"I used to say that I could select the farmers' wives from a crowd of women of all classes. They seemed to have a sort of hopeless spiritless look." 

"Before leaving your bedroom, open [the] window and put your bed to air. Be sure to ask divine help to carry you through the day. Have your breakfast well on the way the night before. Clear the table and wash [the] dishes right off; don't let them stand to dry or call flies. Sweep and dust; clean lamps. Then do chamber work. Prepare dinner. . . . Can you tell me how to do this and at the same time crowd in the care of milk from five cows, churning twice a week, baking for seven in [the] family, attending to poultry, washing, ironing, mending, sewing, etc., etc.? I must confess I don't know how to do it and keep sweet-tempered as a wife and mother should. God alone knows I would like to be able to do it."

"I am a farmer' s wife, sixty years old today . Thirty-one years I have spent on an isolated hilltop, with work, work, work, and starved for something to read." (from http://tcpl.org/local-history/documents/ithaca-tc/women-roots/lifestylesp19-27.pdf)

And from another source describing the family life of early colonial America:

"By the mid-1700s, across the American colonies . . . travelers described Americans as coarse-looking country folk. Women and girls kept their hair covered with hats, hoods, and kerchiefs. Colonials made their own clothes from linen (flax) and wool; every home had a spinning wheel and a loom, and women sewed and knitted constantly, as cotton cloth would not be readily available until the nineteenth century. Plentiful dyes like indigo, birch bark, and pokeberries made colorful shirts, pants, dresses, socks and caps.

 "Americans grew their own food and ate a great deal of corn—roasted, boiled, and cooked into cornmeal bread and pancakes. Hearty vegetables like squash and beans joined apples, jam, and syrup on the dinner table. Given the poor quality of water, many colonials drank cider, beer, and corn whiskey—even the children! As cities sprang up, cattle drank beer, yielding a disgusting variant of milk known as “swill milk” that propagated childhood illnesses.

 "Infant mortality was high, and any sickness usually meant suffering, and often, death.  Women, expected to bear between five and 10 live children, could anticipate a dozen pregnancies. Bodies wore out fast, and women aged rapidly. Overall life expectancy hardly tells the tale of the everyday life, where work was hard, the most minor sicknesses potentially life-threatening, and pleasures few. 

"Despite the reality of this coarse life for common folk, it is worth noting that by 1774 American colonists already had attained a standard of living that far surpassed that found in even most of the civilized parts of the modern world." (from http://www.patriotshistoryusa.com/teaching-materials/bonus-materials/everyday-life-in-america/)

I calculated the average statistics of my 18 Bedford County great-grandmothers for whom I have information. They were an average of 21 years old when they gave birth to their first child.  They had an average of 8 children each over a period of 17 years.  This is actually a very generous estimate as odds are they had far more miscarriages, stillbirths, and cases of infant mortality than what was written down and recorded.  Their average age of death was 69.  By contrast, the average age of their husbands' death was 77.

They were tired.  Overworked,  Exhausted.  And broken.  Let's call it what it really was. Their primary roles were that of work horses and baby-making machines.  They sacrificed themselves - their essence and very identity - for the welfare of others. Some appear to have had a few years of rest toward the end of their lives. Others worked hard every single day. And then they died.  The more children they had, especially boys, the more farm help they provided their husbands.  But more children added even more to their own overwhelming work load. I imagine they had no choice in the matter. The men owned everything else and probably claimed ownership to their wives bodies as well.  Something meant to be tender, loving, and unifying could easily become one of these women's greatest sources of dread and loathing. And the heartache.  The incomprehensible heartache with the premature death of a little one.  It happened far too frequently, and I can't imagine the pain ever lessened. 

Here's my tribute to my Bedford County great-grandmothers.  As much as I appreciate and admire my great-grandfathers' contribution to colonization, the war effort, and evolving affluence, their commitment and sacrifice pale in comparison to the lived experiences of their wives.  Help me honor them by thoughtfully reading each of their names as you carefully consider the implications of their life's statistics: 

My 2nd Great-Grandmothers

Elizabeth Ellen Harbaugh Ickes

first documented child born when she was 20 years old

at least 8 births in 12 years

she died at age 75

Elizabeth Ellen Harbaugh Ickes
Forest Lawn Memorial Park, Glendale, California

       

son Sheldon Ross Ickes
died at age 2 1/2 months
Hoover Cemetery     

son Harry Beecher died at age 2 days

place of burial is unknown

       

My 3rd Great-Grandmothers

Elizabeth Lingenfelter Ickes

first documented child born when she was 21 years old

at least 8 births in 19 years

she died at age 50

Elizabeth Lingenfelter Ickes
Hoover Cemetery

daughter Mary Ann Ickes died at age 4 months (her first born)

buried in an unmarked grave, Hoover Cemetery

son William Ickes
died at age 17 years
Hoover Cemetery

       

daughter Mandilla Ickes
died at age 12 years
buried next to her mother, Hoover Cemetery

son John Clayton Ickes died at age 11 months

buried in an unmarked grave, Hoover Cemetery

       

Daughter Eliza Virginia Ickes Wilt
died at age 19 years, 1 1/2 months after giving birth
Pleasantville Cemetery

     

   

Elizabeth Callihan Harbaugh

first documented child born when she was about 18 years old     

at least 2 births in 4 years

her age at time of death is unknown

her place of burial is unknown

son George Wisegarver Harbaugh died at age 25 years (killed in Civil War)

place of burial is unknown

My 4th Great-Grandmothers

Mary Haverstock Ickes

first documented child born when she was about 21 years old

at least 12 births in 24 years

she died at age 65

Mary Haverstock Ickes
Old Union Cemetery

Elizabeth Wisegarver Lingenfelter

first documented child born when she was 21 years old

at least 12 births in 30 years 

she died at age 60 

Elizabeth Wisegarver Lingenfelter's broken headstone
Horn United Methodist Church Cemetery

son George Lingenfelter died at less than 1 year of age

Horn United Methodist Church Cemetery

daughter Rachel M Lingenfelter died at age 18 years

Horn United Methodist Church Cemetery

son David A Lingenfelter died at age 1 year

Horn United Methodist Church Cemetery

daughter Sarah Ann Lingenfelter died at age 6 years

Horn United Methodist Church Cemetery

Elizabeth Wisegarver Lingenfelter's broken headstone surrounded by
smaller, unmarked headstones which could be marking her
deceased childrens' graves

          

Rachel Hammond Harbaugh

first documented child born when she was 24 years old

at least 9 births in 16 years

her age at time of death is unknown

her place of burial is unknown

Margaret Reininger Callihan

first documented child born when she was 17 years old

at least 14 births in 27 years

she died at age 47, 2 1/2 years after her last recorded birth

Margaret Reininger Callihan
Mock Dunkard Church Cemetery

My 5th Great-Grandmothers

Maria Elizabeth Stambaugh Ickes 

first documented child born when she was about 25 years old

at least 5 births in 10 years

she died at about age 73

Maria Elizabeth Stambaugh Ickes
Old Union Cemetery

Margaret Reighard Haverstock

first documented child born when she was about 18 years old

at least 8 births in 22 years

she died at about age 84

buried in an unmarked grave

Mount Eaton Lutheran Cemetery, Wayne County OH

Elizabeth Blackburn Wisegarver

first documented child born when she was 24 years old         

at least 11 births in 17 years

she died at age 72

her place of burial is unknown

daughter Eve Wisegarver Griffith died at age 25 years (probably died giving birth)

her place of burial is unknown

Rachel Blackburn Hammond  

first documented child born when she was about 25 years old

at least 8 births in 19 years

she died at age 70

her place of burial is unknown

Mary Proctor Callihan

first documented child born when she was about 28 years old

at least 6 births in about 14 years

she died at about age 84

Mary Proctor Callihan
Callihan burial ground

Mary Hine Reininger 

first documented child born when she was about 21 years old

at least 11 births in 25 years

she died at age 71

Reininger Cemetery

My 6th Great-Grandmothers

Maria Imler Reighard

age at first documented birth is unknown

at least 3 births in about 6 years

age at death is unknown

place of burial is unknown

Mary Elizabeth Steel Wisegarver

age at first documented birth is unknown

at least 4 births in 12 years

age at death is unknown

place of burial is unknown

Elizabeth Griffith Blackburn

first documented child born when she was 24 years old

at least 9 births in 18 years

she died at about age 74

buried in an unmarked grave in Friends Cemetery

Deborah Dicks Hammond

first documented child born when she was about 22 years old

at least 6 births in 16 years

her age at time of death is unknown

place of burial is unknown

Rebecca Harlan Blackburn

first documented child born when she was about 18 years old

at least 13 births in 26 years

she died at age 44 giving birth to her 13th child

place of burial is unknown

"...no love in mortality comes closer to approximating the pure love of Jesus Christ than the selfless love a devoted mother has for her child."   Jeffrey R. Holland


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All original content, images, commentary, etc. copyright © by Joy Denison 2015-2016.  All rights reserved. All writings, poems, speeches, essays, images, scans, likenesses, etc. by Adam Ickes (b 1845) as well as personal histories, images, and all other content by all persons referenced and discussed within the pages and posts in this blog may not be copied, shared, or reproduced in any way without expressed permission by the owner unless included here from other referenced sources or are historical records already considered to be in the public domain.